a place for my thoughts

Gone too soon...

2010-07-01T11:14:00.000+01:00

Like a comet blazing across the evening sky
Gone too soon.,

Like a rainbow fading in the twinkling of an eye,
Gone too soon.

Shiny and sparkly and splendidly bright,
Here one day, gone one night.

Like the loss of sunlight on a cloudy afternoon,
Gone too soon.

Like a castle built upon a sandy beach,
Gone too soon.

Like a perfect flower that is just beyond your reach,
Gone too soon.

Born to amuse, to inspire, to delight,
Here one day, gone one night.

Like a sunset dying with the rising of the moon,
Gone too soon,
Gone too soon.
Written by Larry Grossman and Alan Kohan
Performed by Michael Jackson.

I've never really posted much about my feelings regarding MJ's death. Why? Because I've never been one to buy into celebrity culture much. I've never understood people who become obsessed with actors and musicians. I've never got why people will camp outside a theatre, just to see their favourite celebs walk by on the red carpet 12 hours later. But all this time, despite my head-shaking and misunderstanding towards them, I've always been one of them.

In Florida, did I not consider getting Jenn and I in the car and straight to the hospital where Michael was taken, just to stand there and wait for news? At news of his funeral, did I not instantly try and find how to attend? Did I not search airline costs to see how much it'd cost me to get over to the states, even if I just stood outside the event? Did I not keep my concert ticket instead of get it refunded, purely because I knew that ticket is the closest I will ever get to him?

I'm one of the worst obsessive fans of them all, it seems.

"The meaning of life is contained in every single expression of life. It is present in the infinity of forms and phenomena that exist in all of creation."
Michael Jackson

I would do anything to see him. Just to spend a minute in his presence. To have him notice or acknowledge me even for a moment would be beyond a dream come true. Just thinking about it is upsetting me (which is a bad thing, since I'm at the office!). Watching This Is It still makes me cry every time, as does watching the Bashir documentary on him. I feel ridiculous for it. I idolise a person I've never met. I believe all the terrible stories about him are absolute rubbish, but do I really know that? Of course not. I was never one of those lucky few who were allowed into his life, to get to know him. I have to make do with whatever I can get.

"People write negatives things, cause they feel that's what sells. Good news to them, doesn't sell."
Michael Jackson

I don't even know where I'm going with this. I'm just writing as it comes to me. IT may sound ridiculous to anyone else, but it's a big deal to me. Everyone has their short list of things that are truly important to them, and this is one of those things for me.

I still can't fully believe he's gone. It still hasn't sunk in. It still doesn't seem entirely real. It's been over a year now. A year. It still feels like it was barely a few months ago. When I listen to his music, I don't hear the voice of a dead man. He still sounds alive. When I watch videos of him, I don't think of him as gone, but still there. I can't mentally accept him as being gone. I've lost other people in my life, and my mind fully accepts that they are no longer here... but I just can't do it with him. It's almost like he's too special to be capable of dying?

“If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.”
Michael Jackson

God, I was so ready to see that concert. My mum has seen him three times. She's told me countlessly since last year that every time she sees him, all she can think about is how utterly gutted she is that I will never get that chance. She said if she could give up her own and Charlotte's concert tickets just to give me the chance to see him, she would. Don't get me wrong, my sister is a big fan of him too, but my sister is a big fan of a lot of things (P!nk and twilight, for example). MJ is my only obsession. Always has been. I've 'liked' other things, sure, but I've never been obsessed with them quite like I am with him.

"I just wanted to say that these will be my final show performances in London. When I say 'this is it', it really means 'this is it'."
Michael Jackson

Watching the backstage videos from This Is It, I kind of wish that, despite all that's happened, they'd gone ahead and put on the show anyway. Even if it was tribute artists and impersonators stood in his place. That show was HIS. It was Michael's creation. Anyone who watched This Is It could see the input he had about every little part of it, from the music, the dancers, the musicians, the lights, the pauses, the stage layout... it was very much his creation, and I would have loved to have seen it. He wanted it to be seen. The fact the entire show was cancelled is still incredibly disappointing. Seeing the stage show, even without him, would have been the closest I could get to ever seeing him live.

“'Lies run sprints, but the truth runs marathons. The truth will win this marathon in court.'”
Michael Jackson

I don't believe the rumors that are going around about him. I think his understanding of relationships was just different to what we are used to. To be able to look beyond the boundaries of age, and to platonically love others regardless of their age, race, health... I think that is truly a beautiful thing. And I believe that platonic love is all Michael EVER had. Just watching videos of him, you can see how childish he really is. He's the real-life Peter Pan of our world.

I've just realise I keep saying "is" instead of "was".

Regarding his death... I don't think he was intentionally killed, and I don't think it was suicide. Michael himself said he never wanted to die. He wanted to make this comeback, and prove to the world that he still had all the talent in the world. He wouldn't kill himself.
Similarly, his doctor wouldn't have intentionally killed him, if not purely for the selfish reason that as long as Michael was alive, he'd still be employed as his Doctor, and still making money from him. He did prescribe a dangerous amount of drugs to him, of that I'm sure... but if Michael didn't get it from him, he'd get it elsewhere. This is Michael Jackson. I doubt there's anything he couldn't get if he really wanted it.

At the end of the day, I think his death was nothing more than a tragic accident. I can't honestly accept that Michael would ever kill himself intentionally.

"I’m happy to be alive, I’m happy to be who I am."
Michael Jackson

Gah, I don't even know where to go with this, or how to end it. There's so much more I could put here, but I just can't get the words together right.

Michael Jackson was, most certainly, gone too soon.

I miss you, Michael. We all do.

Going Good!

2010-06-02T13:32:00.000+01:00

Expo was pretty darn good!

Having Amala, Laura and June stay over with Jenn and I made for a really enjoyable weekend! Add to that Michael and Rebecca staying over on Sunday, then Dan and Vancha joining us on Monday, and you have a damn good weekend all around!

Expo itself was pretty boring, but otherwise not too bad. We were expecting some lamer to try and cause drama, but luckily they showed some modicum of brain activity and didn't bother. Good. My eyes and air remained unpolluted by their fail XD Some douchebag guy who I REALLY hate (and knows full well of this!) did come over to talk to one of my friends, probably just as an excuse to stand by me and Jenn knowing it'd piss us off, and he got told to fuck off pretty quickly. Apart from that, no real drama was had on my part! Dan got some bad news which I won't go into that put us all on a bit of a downer on his behalf, but there wasn't much we could do about that, unfortunatly.

The costumes went well, as I said on dA. I'm now going to have to make a new set of wings for Pit, as I'm wearing him again for a convention later this year. This is a good thing, as it means I can improve them!

Ooops, got distracted by Facebook for ten minutes there XD

Lets see...

Life in general is going damn well! Since getting over the drama of getting a certain someone out of our friendship group, things have been going so much more smoothly. Less attention-seeking drama, and more good times with real friends. Everyone agrees how much more chilled and enjoyable weekends are now, which is always a damn good thing. The great thing is that we're all happy to sit doing next to nothing, and still have a good time! There's a hella lot going on of late though. Party at Vancha's this weekend, my bday party next weekend, a charity event at the end of the month... then I'm busy almost every weekend next month too! Then theres Metrocon, then Jenn's house-leaving party, then Welshie!Rosie's birthday, then Amecon, then Dan's birthday, then Big Brother Lex's birthday, then Alcon, then my mums birthday, and a theatre trip, then a Bowling For Soup concert....

I'm just flicking through my calendar now and realising just how insanely busy I am! No wonder I cherish the weekends where I have nothing to do!!!

In 8 days, I hit Level 23. What a scary prospect.

oO Damn Wings!

2010-05-26T13:36:00.000+01:00

Yesterday, I tore my Pit wings off the structure I'd made for them.

NOW THEY LOOK BETTER!

What was initially an angry outburst due to the fact the fuckers would NOT sit right, were pulling hard at my shoulders etc turned out to be for the best. With my mums help (after she calmed me down XD) I re-thought my method of attaching them to my costume, and they look SO much better now! Instead of going BACK from my back, they sit kinda flat on my back and come out sideways, if that makes sense XD When I have a picture, I'll post it to DeviantART.

Tonight, I aim to finish EVERYTHING on my Pit costume so I can spend the last few days manically trying to finish Midna XD It's mostly done, but there are a few bits I'm not happy with that I want to redo.

That's all I wanted to say XD

Past and Future

2010-05-17T12:06:00.001+01:00

ooO THE PAST
aka "What I did last weekend" =P

Well! Saturday was a charity event from 11-3pm. It was held at an Essex primary school to raise funds for them, and all in all it was a very fun day! The weather held out nicely, though because it was a bit overcast it meant no-one felt too overheated, which is always good. We all had a good laugh as a group, and many amusing pictures were taken, such as:

But yeah, despite only having a small group of about 8 of us, we had a brilliant day. It reminded me how much I miss doing charity troops, as it's the first one I'd done in a while. I'm now looking forward to the next ones!!!

When Jenn and I got back, we were going to go to Nandos but Jenn had stomach pains, so we stayed home instead with stilton and brocolli soup (which was delish). We watched South Park for most of the evening (as Jenn is slowly showing me every single episode ever made so I can get up to scratch on her fandom) and just generally chilled. Was goooooood.

Sunday was another chilled one. Nandos lunch and a wander around town. We were trying to find new jeans for Jenn, but couldn't find any we liked. Alas. Another day of watching South Park while Jenn stitched plushies and I tried to get on Shaiya (goddamn servers were down for most of the bloody evening!). I finally got to go the Raigo PVP zone which was good, as I'd wanted to get there for a while. Luckily, no lighties (as I play for the dark Union of Fury XD) showed up, so no major deaths for me 8D

On a Shaiya note, I'm REALLY enjoying the game! It's one of the few MMO's I've stuck with for more than a month, and I can't see myself stopping anytime soon, really. For a free game, it's really good, and the graphics are decent too! I'm glad I let Laura convince me into getting it ^_^

Aaaaaand so today, I'm back at work. Should be meeting my sister for lunch in about an hour...

ooO THE FUTURE
aka "Upcoming stuff over the next few weeks and months" =P

Well, this weekend Laura and Amala (and possibly Dani) are coming over to have a cosplay-making weekend to try and finish up some of our stuff for...

Expo! 29th-30th at London Excel Centre. Despite the event itself being crap (it's just a big dealers hall), I still look forward to it due to the sheer number of people who attend. Even though there's been a load of drama recently with Expo trying to scare people into buying tickets to just hang around outside, I'm still going and I *STILL* won't buy a goddamn ticket, no matter what bullshit they come up with! Just goes to show what money-grabbing gits they really are, huh? I wonder how many people got nervous and bought a ticket after all the b.s. that was said...

Anyhow, it'll be a good laugh, I'm sure ^_^ Jenn and I have Laura, Amala and June all crashing at hers for the weekend, and we'll be driving to and from the Excel each day (as hotels are mad expensive so not really worth it :P ) as is our tradition!

Next month is my bday and bday party. I'm not doing a picnic this year, as I'd rather have a more private gig with my friends, which is probably going to be a bbq at mine. It should be a laugh. God, I'm going to be 23 soon... how concerning XD

And the countdown is already on for our flight out to Florida for Metrocon! I really can't wait. I am so excited it's unreal!!!

Eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Anyways, I really should be working, so that's all for now. Toodlepip!

UK Politics - LOTR Style!

2010-05-12T11:52:00.002+01:00

Found this on Facebook. It amused me so much, I decided to share it XD

I thought recently that British politics seem very complex, made even more confusing with this whole ‘hung parliament’ business. So, I translated British politics into a more manageable form. That of J.R.R. Tolkien’s “Lord of the Rings” saga.

[Disclaimer: This desciption is not pro-anyone or anti-anyone…it’s just a simple way of understanding politics]

Labour: The kingdom of men, a vast and influential group. Known for their hardy nature and love of the common man.

Conservatives: The Elves, a large group who base their lives on traditional values.

Liberal Democrats: The Hobbits, a small group who have nice ideas. They can’t really compare to the other forces on an open front, but somehow they hold the fate of Middle-Earth.

UKIP: The Dwarves, a small group who are fiercely territorial and prefer to distance themselves from the rest of the world.

Green: The Ents. This one is pretty self explanatory…they’re trees…

Independent: The independent politicians are the mercenary leaders who sit around places like “The prancing pony” swapping courageous stories.

SNP, Sein Fein, Plaid Cymru: Easterlings and Haradrim, vaguely external political forces that frequently come to loggerheads with the other kingdoms of man.

Monster Raving Looney party: Tom Bombadil…enough said.

The eye of Sauron: Sauron is usually either China, Russia or Afghanistan depending on your own personal “nuclear threat” views.

Other important characters:

David Dimbleby: Gandalf (Think about it…it’s obvious)

The BBC: The white council, the wizards.

It DOES give me hell O.O

2010-05-04T11:25:00.000+01:00

ooO GLEE
Now, I tend to ignore the Gleeks and the Glee fad that seems to have taken over recently. However, hearing their cover of Van Halen's "Jump" and also "Gives You Hell" by All American Rejects just MAKES MY SKIN CRAWL. I seriously cannot describe how nails-on-chalkboard those covers sound to me. They make me feel just... urrrrrrrrgh. I hate it I hate it I hate it XD HATE IT, I SAY!!!

Guh. /end rant XD

ooO STAR WARS
May the Fourth be with you ^_^

I wanna start painting my lekku for my new twi'lek costume, but I have to finish my Expo costumes first D8 Charlotte will be helping me with one of them tonight, hopefully, so that'll get a bit more out of the way. It means precious Shaiya lvl'ing time is lost, but it's for a good cause, I guess XD Once it's out the way, I don't need to worry about it anymore, and can chill 'til Expo.

But yeah, I spent Friday printing out pics of every blue twi'lek I'd consider costuming, and need to decide whether to do that, or go with an original design. I'll see how I feel once everything is all painted and whatnot ^_^

ooO Iron Man 2
Saw it, enjoyed it greatly. I suggest that everyone go see it, if that's your cup of tea. If you like superhero movies but haven't seen Iron Man 1, don't worry. Jenn hadn't seen 1, but still understood everything that was going on =)

RDJ is a really fab actor, and Rourke was fan-fucking-tastic as Whiplash. Needed moar War Machine though >.<

ooO Election Countdown
Three days to go (including today) before voting begins. I'm starting to get nervous. I always do XD

An Election Contract

2010-04-30T13:34:00.000+01:00

The Conservative Party (who I'm backing at the election) have released a "contract" of things they are promising to do. They say that if they fail to stick to this contract to the electorate, we should vote them out of parliament in five years time.

This is an EXCELLENT idea. This is a real, written promise of what they intend to do. And, if they fail to deliver, I *will* vote against them in the future.

Why haven't the other parties done this? Policies and spoken promises are one thing, but to put in clear, concise terms "We promise we WILL do this, and if we don't, then vote us out next year" is another matter.

Here's hoping they stick to their promises.

The election is so close, I can almost taste it! XD

Random Quiz Thing

2010-04-29T13:03:00.000+01:00

YOUR BOY SIDE:
[x] you love hoodies
[x] you love jeans
[ ] dogs are better then cats
[x] its hilarious when people get hurt
[ ] shopping is torture
[ ] sad movies suck
[x] you play XBOX 360/ PS2
[x] you played with Hot Wheels as a little kid
[x] at some point in life you wanted to be a firefighter
[x] you owned a DS PS2 or Sega
[x] you used to be obsessed with Power Rangers
[x] you watch sports on TV
[ ] you go to your dad for advice
[ ] you own like a trillion baseball hats
[ ] you used to/collect footy collector cards
[ ] baggy sweatpants are cool to wear
[ ] its kind of weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people
[x] green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors
[x] you love to go crazy and not care what other people think
[ ] sports are fun
[x] you talk with food in your mouth
[ ] you sleep at night with your socks on
[x] you have fished at least once
Total=13

YOUR GIRL SIDE:
[x] you love to shop
[x] you wear eyeliner
[ ] you wear the color pink
[x] you go to your mum for advice
[ ] you consider cheerleading a sport
[ ] you wear very little black
[ ] you hate wearing the color black
[x] you like going to the mall
[ ] you cried watching A Walk to Remember
[ ] skirts are a part of your wardrobe
[ ] shopping is one of your favorite hobbies
[x] you take around one hour to shower -just like to relax
[ ] you are/were in gymnastics/tumbling
[ ] you smile a lot more than you should
[x] you have more than 10 pairs of shoes
[ ] you care about what you look like
[ ] you always/sometimes wear dresses
[x] you like wearing body spray
[ ] you like high heel shoes
[x] you used to play with dolls as a kid
[x] you like putting makeup on others
[ ] pink is one of your favorite colors
[ ] you laugh more than you breathe
[ ] you absolutely love chocolate
TOTAL - 9

WEBCOMICS 8D

2010-04-29T11:40:00.000+01:00

Yeah, I'll spam the blog with my webcomics instead of my dA XD

RED STRING
Loving it! But then, I always am XD I'm interested to see where Makoto's story leads, as he seems to be the central character in this current arc. I really hope he doesn't decide to get back with this old girlfriend of his. I'm still holding out for Makoto and Miharu to get together. Why can't she see how ideal they are for eachother?! I've practically forgotten how devastated I was when Miharu and Kazuo broke up, seeing how much of a douchebag he's turned into. HE is getting pushed around and allowing it, whereas we've now found out that when MAKOTO was told he was to easy to push around, he became more assertive.

QUESTIONABLE CONTENT
Hahaha. Trust Marigold to bump head-first into Sven, of all people! I have to say though, I highly approve of Dora's method of keeping Faye quiet in the final panel >8D
I have to say, I have noticed Jeph's art style very subtly changing over the last few months, and I like it a lot! His perspectives are really improving the overall quality of the comic.

DOMINIC DEEGAN
Poor Mookie and his failed proof from the printer D8 I can only imagine how ridiculously annoying that must be for him. Still, it DID remind me to pre-order the newest book (reduced shipping too!). DD and RS are the only webcomics I've ever bought in book-form, and I don't regret it. They're great to read in paperback ^_^

LEAST I COULD DO
Nothing much to say. It's consistantly awesome.

GOODBYE CHAINS
I'M HOOKED O.O
Seriously, it's a brilliant comic with brilliant artwork. If it ever comes out in book form, I will possess it! It has everything I could want in a good story, AND it's western based! PERFECT. AAAAH. *dies*
If only it updated more than twice a week...
Still! Better than nothing, and I'm totally addicted to its amazingness ^_^

That is all for now.

Oh, we also hit the Metrocon fundraising target ^_^

Payday Approaches...

2010-04-26T12:31:00.000+01:00

Everytime that glorious part of the month known as "pay day" gets close, my ebay activity suddenly goes up XD

Recent purchases have included a new corset (one I've wanted for ages but never got around to buying), a face casting kit (something I've put off buying for months cos I'm worried I'll screw the process up XD), possible a tablet computer (it's still on watch), a new lacefronted wig, paint for Midna...

I daresay the list will continue to grow XD

...Conor's Bday
It was fab 8D

Much fun was had all around, including a Harry Potter version of the Werewolf game (which became WAY too srs bsns by the end!), games of Brawl and Eyetoy, me and Conor almost breaking our arms with Wii Lightsaber Duels, BBQ of tasty awesomeness, an invasion of ants, and one mental dog XD

Here's to Conor. Happy 18th Birthday, adopted lil' bro!

...Metrocon
Still ridiculously excited about it. This week I'll be booking the last few bits for us, and then we're set to go. We're only a tiny way away from hitting out fundraising target, which is AMAZING. I'm so so happy this has turned out so well :)

I'm literally counting down the days (I have them marked in 10 day increments on my work calendar XD). I'm slightly terrified about the huge people-carrier car I'm going to have to drive, but luckily my own car is pretty big, so it shouldn't be a problem :)

We're having to fly out on two different flights, which is annoying (the price for the flight myself, Jenn, Charlotte and Laura booked onto skyrocketed in the space of a day or so, so Conor and Amala are getting a flight a few hours later for a MUCH nicer price), but that does mean Amala gets to wake up later, which I'm very sure she'll appreciate! Just gotta make sure the two of them get through the airport alright. When it comes to things like this, I am SUCH a terrible worrier. I'll have my phone on constantly for text updates from them to make sure everything goes to plan! It wouldn't be so bad if we didn't have a connecting flight once we get there >.< I'm sure it'll aaaaaaall go to plan though 8D

So so excited 8D

...In Other News
I hope Bret Michaels (the Poison singer) get's better soon.... the poor guy is only 47 :(

On My Mind

2010-04-23T11:52:00.001+01:00

Well seems logical to go over what's on my mind today. A fair few things, in fact!

...Dis is da sound of da police...
So, this morning started with the police. No no, I've not gone and got myself in trouble. Two cops showed up at the office, saying a fire was reported next door, yet no-one was in. As far as we're aware, no fire had been reported.

The worrying part of the story is that these cops were LOOKING for something to do! Then then asked if we'd had any problems at all with crime (which we hadn't), if we lived locally (which we do), and if we have any problems in our local area! They admitted the fact they were desperate to arrest someone.

So... does this imply that the local police force do such a good job that crime isn't a problem down here, or should I be worried that they aren't doing their job properly? I mean, I'll be honest here and say that the closest town to my office ISN'T crime-free. It has it's fair share of problems. I mean, hell, we've had terrorists here plotting to blow up at least seven aircrafts, bomb-making kits found in local woodlands, alcohol-related violence is far from unheard of....

This ISN'T a perfect town. Surely there must be SOMETHING for the police to do?!

...election countdown...
I just want it to be over.

And, predictably, I'm severly hoping for a Conservative win (as you've no doubt seen on my dA XD)

I'm just... ok. Right. Perhaps it's just my bias because of my Tory support, but are people REALLY voting Lib Dem on their policies? If so, have these people REALLY read the policies and news surrounding the Lib Dems in detail?? I just cannot understand in any way, shape or form how ANY intelligent and logical person can really think these people are what is best for our country! Their policies contradict one another, their budget projections make no sense, their socialist standpoint (yes, they are socialists, NOT liberals) will not work for the UK and just... URGH.

Sometimes I kind of wish I *was* politically apathetic. It'd make life less stressful!!

Either way, my view on the election now is this:

Option A) Conservatives win. I'm happy, and I hope they do a good job.
Option B) Lib Dems get in. They do a shit job. I get to go "I told you so!!!"
Option C) Lib Dems get in. They do a GOOD job (as they make out they will). I eat my words, and get to live in a better country.

Kinda... win/win all ways, right? Only time will tell...

...Conor's birthday...
Is this weekend! I find it hard to believe sometimes that Conor isn't already 18. Despite how hyper he gets, he's actually a very mature guy (which is probably why I get on with him better than I do with other teens XD). STILL! 18. The big one, in the UK. Hopefully he'll have a blast.

I have his presents wrapped and ready. In the spirit of the occasion, one is a store-bought gift, and one is hand-made. I like the idea of more personalised gifts for milestone birthdays :)

...Metrocon...
For some reason, I'm more excited about it this year than last year. I'm pretty sure it's because Charlotte, Laura, Amala and Conor are coming with Jenn and I this year XD

We're so so so SO close to hitting our fundraising target!
So if you wanna buy a shirt, please do ;)
http://www.parleproductionsusa.spreadshirt.com for USA store
http://www.parleproductions.spreadshirt.co.uk for UK/Europe store

We can do ittttt 8D

Mer. That's all fer now XD

Why the blog?

2010-04-23T10:37:00.000+01:00

Well, I chose a blogger.com blog for several reasons...

1. Livejournal is more "dramajournal", so I'd rather not bother posting there XD
2. I always have stuff I *want* to update into my dA journal, but I'm worried that I spam it too often as it is
3. Sometimes I just want to write random thoughts that no-one else will really care much about, so a blog seemed a better place for this than dA.

So, yeah, there's the reasons.

Huzzah for my first entry. I'll update with a proper entry a bit later. For now, I have to arrange paperwork for a shipment to South Africa...